The Guy’s Guide To The Delivery Room

Author: Aging Hippy

You know, years ago it was easy.

Your better half was in labour. You’d sit outside in the waiting room with all the other expectant fathers, smoke countless cigarettes {yes, you could smoke in hospitals, then}, talk about the football and wait for the fateful words “Mr. Dirt, it’s a boy”.

At this point you would stand for the applause, take a bow and sling the cigars around.

You’d slip in to see the “little woman”, after she’d been ‘made decent’ by the staff, of course, give her a peck on the cheek and a cheap bunch of flowers, a revolting box of chocolates – Black magic were the weapon of choice in the olden days - and head off to the pub to tell all the blokes how clever you were to have a baby.

Well, my lucky lads, ‘Those days Are Gone’!

In the 21st century you are expected to be, well and truly, “Part of the Action” as far as childbirth goes. And you can forget those stinking cigars, for a start!

Be fair, lad, YOU initiated all this so it’s only reasonable that you should be there at the “Grand Opening”, so to speak.

It’s a tough ask, I know that, but it is something that you will be reminded of for the rest of your days if you decline the generous offer, or command, which ever may be the case.

Prepare yourself well. Childbirth is not the ‘happy event’ we hear about in the movies. The ‘happy event’ is the time directly FOLLOWING childbirth.

Childbirth itself is a long drawn out process, much like you and your wife sharing a tent in the mountains for a month when it rains every day – accompanied by your mother-in-law!

‘orrible, it is!

There are ways that it can be made easier, enjoyable, even.

Firstly you have to consider how much it will mean to your partner. She will be ever grateful and it will bring you closer together than anything else you have ever done.

This is a moment you will share with no-one else except a few dozen selected medical personnel and lots of machines, with flashing lights, that go “PING” at every available opportunity.

Then, of course, there are always the brownie points that you will receive from all your female relatives for being such a ‘caring partner’. No more socks and undies at Christmas. I see Single Malt Scotch on the gift list from Great Aunt Agatha.

As for yourself, well, you will have taken part in a one-off experience that some say has changed their lives forever.

There are so many things you have to learn and you don’t have unlimited time to learn them.

Online you will find videos that will assist you and, hopefully, there are classes in your local area.

Whatever you do, DON’T listen to your mates – listen to someone who knows!

For more valuable information on YOUR preparation for the birth of your child, check out The Guy's Guide To The Delivery Room.

Oh, and by the way, congratulations. Have a cigar!

About the Author:

The author is retired and spends most of his time asleep. Over the years he has had more than his fair share of harrowing experiences. He delights in passing the terrifying details on. For far more detail on preparing for childbirth – for men, please visit The Guy’s Guide To The Delivery Room

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